If you are the parent of a small child - you just looked at the title of this post and laughed. If you are not a parent, make sure you read the following post carefully; this is valuable information that may one day change your life... I totally got ahead of myself there, please note I said MAY.
DO NOT abuse the word "NO".
These little sponge-like parrots of ours will remember:
1: The context in which you've used a word.
2: How often you've used a word.
Being that "NO" is the most negative of all words - it's one to use sparingly... or at least in the negotiation process. I learned this the hard way. For example my daughter would say: "Mommy I want Pizza" and I would say "NO, no pizza until you eat your green beans." Which would then lead to a full out tantrum and more often than not - to stop her from crying I would cave and give her the pizza, sans green beans. Now that I know the proper negotiation technique it goes a little more like this: "Mommy, Please I have some Pizza" me: "Yes beautiful child of mine, I will warm up some pizza for you while you eat some yummy and nutritious green beans. And maybe after your beans and pizza we can have a Popsicle!" See what I did there? Chances are that your child {like mine} may retaliate with a "NO!" and temper tantrum until they're used to this negotiation process and until that happens....
STAND YOUR GROUND.
As hard as this may be for you to believe - I am a complete push over when it comes to my child. It actually took a very good friend of mine to tell me "Don't say she can't have/do something unless you mean it! She has to learn that there are consequences Justyn!" Yep... that really happened and I was embarrassed, but she was right. Especially during the tender toddler years - standing your ground is vital in order to build your child/children s future respect. If you can't stand your ground during the terrible twos and the tragic threes, how in the world are you going to stand your ground and expect your child to respect you when they're thirteen? While they might not always agree with your decision, they will adjust. Until then remember....
They're allowed to kick and scream, you however are not.
So they cry. I know, it's heartbreaking... and knowing that if you just give them what they want they'll stop seems like a really easy decision to make but remember Rule #2!
If it gets to this point follow these steps:
1. Try to console your child with a hug, a kiss, and some soothing words.{Sometimes I'll have Kaelyn look me in the eyes and explain to her why this is the way it has to be. And seeing that I'm not upset or mad helps her tantrum subside}.
2. If step 1 does not work - Walk away. Don't get upset, if they're inconsolable let them cry it out. This is really hard for some people {myself included} but like most arguments sometimes it's just best to walk away. {NOTE: if your child is liable to put him/herself in danger - move them to a safe place - like their bedroom - to finish their tantrum in peace}
You're the adult. Duh. They're not as smart as us, they don't understand WHY - that's why they ask WHY. Don't be mean, love them. Unconditionally. Set a good example, and I promise they will follow. These tiny little people have huge hearts and their feelings are easily hurt. Also...
P.S.
I have been informed that these negotiation techniques also work well with Boyfriends and Husbands.
