Parenting Woes

My dear friend Jes - aka Smups - has declared that she has baby fever. I told her don't do it, and when she asked why - it inspired today's post. See, as I explained on Friday I've been a little preoccupied and uninspired, but thanks to Jes you get to hear my heartfelt reasoning for why people should reconsider having children. I personally do not like kids... I think I've said that before. I do however like love my child. In no particular order - here are some parenting woes that I feel people without children should consider before conceiving. 

#1 - The constant cleanup. I clean my house at least twice a day during the work week. Once when I get home from work and then again after Kaelyn has gone to sleep. On the weekends it's more like four times a day. It's impossible to keep the floors clean for more than an hour. Not to mention the sticky hand prints all over the walls, cabinets, windows, doors, television...etc. Also not mentioning that my husband usually cleans just as much as I do -- if not more. So go ahead and double what I just said. OH and that's just with one kid... moving on...

#2 - The inevitable boo boos. I am dreading - DREADING - our first trip to the emergency room. Not to jinx it but I know it's bound to happen at anytime. For example yesterday - I put Kaelyn down for her afternoon nap. The hubs and I were sitting on the couch preparing to watch a movie and relax when BOOM! It wasn't the BOOM that made me jump off the couch - it was the blood curdling scream. {I aged 10 years, I swear - I'm 24 and I have gray hairs now.} So I ran up the stairs two at a time, to find my daughter - NOT NAPPING - caught underneath the glider, feet up in the air, bawling. She was fine, just traumatized. I grew gray hair for nothing. 

#3 - Catching the crap - literally. I've talked about this before. We're potty training, and it's going great - except for the minor setback that is - pooping in the potty. For the record I purchased a princess potty {that plays music after it's been used} in an attempt to encourage her to "go". 

Le Princess Potty - adorable right?

Anyway - Kaelyn refuses to poop in the potty. She will go in her panties {gross, right?}. I know when she's pooping because she stops doing anything and everything - and stands there with this concentrated look on her face. So I'll ask her "are you pooping?" and she'll say "yes" and I'll say "NO! Let's go to the potty" and then she'll say "NO! Let me finish!" which is just plain gross. On Saturday I caught her just as she started to let it go and I said "NO!!!!! POTTY! NOW!" and grabbed her and ran to the bathroom - meanwhile she's screaming and kicking and crying. So I get her in the bathroom and I tell her to turn around so that I can back her onto the potty. As it turned out she was "prairie doggin' it" and this little grape sized turd rolled right out of her panties and into my hand. INTO MY HAND. Naturally, I flipped. And then she started howling because she thought I was yelling at her -- when really I was just THIS CLOSE to throwing up right. there. {possibly on her} because I had in fact held my daughters poop for about 5 seconds. Obviously, I didn't time it, but I washed my hands for about 30 minutes before I felt somewhat clean. 

I'm also obviously kidding when I say don't have kids. Just don't say I didn't warn you. These are not things that you are taught in those first time mommy classes. I know that one day I will maybe cherish these days. One day  - probably when she's sneaking out her bedroom window - I'll be wishing we were potty training again... 

Gotta Get Down on Friday

It's Friday! Friday!

I was thinking I would have some major inspiration for today's post. 

I was wrong.

If you happen to be my friend on Facebook than you already know that something BIG is in the works... The winds of change are a blowin! With that I have been a little preoccupied and failed to think of some witty post to capture your hearts with today. Instead - you get yet another annoying song stuck in your head, and a picture of me "getting down". 

Boom. Dropin' it like its hot.

 {said the whitest white girl on the planet}

Got any big plans this weekend?

{Everybody's lookin' forward to the weekend}

Hey! I just met you...

This post will be annoying. Mostly because we all know what's about to happen. It's sweeping the nation and has been for weeks/months now. The parody's of "Call Me Maybe." But before we get started let me just say - if you don't follow us {myself and the blamily} on twitter then you really should. We have conversations that can turn any frown upside down {too cheesy? sorry...} on a daily basis. 

So this happened a couple of DAYS ago...

And continued, for 4 days until it came to this {below} last night, at which point I was sitting in bed laughing/coughing/trying not to cry because most of my blamily is three hours behind me...

AND CONTINUED - to this morning...

It's never going to end people and you're welcome - because it's stuck in our heads too.

So join in the misery that is "Call Me Maybe" - follow us on twitter and share a picture or two....or twelve.

Happy Hump Day!

...Sneak Peak

If you follow me on instragram/facebook/twitter than you have probably seen most of these...
 Above are just a few {he took hundreds!} of the pictures that Joe took on Saturday. Did I mention how extremely talented he is? He's also becoming a really good friend of mine. I mean really, This guy is awesome - and so much fun to work with. I will confess - I didn't "trash" my dress, I chickened out at the last minute. NOT BECAUSE I didn't want to trash it. Oh no. See, it has been raining here for the last few days and the water was really high and really fast {and the rocks were really slippery}. And given the amount of dress that I was in, one wrong move and I would have been literally up shit creek without a paddle. SO instead of swimming, I went wading... very, very carefully. 

I am so happy with these pictures, I can't wait to see the rest...and of course share them with all of you.

How was your weekend?

Let's all pray this week goes fast, I seem to have caught a bit of a head cold from my adventure. 

Trash it Inspiration

Guess what I'm doing tomorrow!

I'll give you three hints:

It involves my wedding dress, a photographer, and a very scenic river.

That's right. I'm trashing my wedding dress! {GASP!} I know you're all thinking - why? Why on earth would you do such a thing!? I'll tell you why. Because I will never EVER get a chance to wear it again. My daughter will more than likely NOT want to wear it in another 20 years {face the facts, it won't be in style in 20 years... just like my mom's long sleeved lace gown with matching cowboy hat was not in style 20 years later}.What's the point of preserving it? So that it can suffocate in my closet for the next 50 years? I mean... I guess I could try to sell it, but I would much rather wear it one last time, have a little fun, and have an  amazing photographer {Joe C. - check him out!} capture the whole thing on film!

I'm really, totally, extremely STOKED to be doing this. 

I can't wait to share the pictures with you guys!

This is going to be EPIC.

Happy Friday Love Cats!

Fuzzy Memories were Made

I know that you are all dying to hear about my most recent Denver trip. It's taken me a while to figure out which stories I should tell and which ones I should keep to myself. Instead I decided that I would say this: You will see several pictures of alcoholic beverages - and you may think to yourself "This girl drinks too much" and to that I would respond, yes I do. I will admit that I got a little {OK a lot} carried away while we were away. I was however, for the most part at least, an extremely fun person to be around. I have the most amazing family and every minute spent with them was one that I will cherish forever. More importantly I have the most amazing husband, who puts up with my drunken shenanigans far too often, and somehow loves me nonetheless.

 1// Debi happened to by flying to Chicago - on the same flight as us. Pure luck. 2//The view from our hotel room. 3//An awesome sculpture. 4// A cow 5//Wall art in Denver.

 1 & 2// After a busy day of travel we ordered room service. 3// The view on our way to Boulder.

 1//Breakfast 2// With my mom! 3// Table decoration at the Taco Bar rehearsal dinner 4// Margaritas!

 1// Wedding day breakfast view! 2// The Bride {my cousin} 3// Make your own Bloody Mary bar was popular with my family.

1// My cousins that I love so much. 2// My handsome husband. 3//Me in bridesmaid attire. 4// The last picture of the night.

And that my friends - in a nutshell - via instagram - was our awesome trip to Denver. 

Happy Thursday!

What's on your Bucket List?

Today is the day that we talk about all of the things we would like to do before we "Kick the Bucket". I thought that this would be easier to do than it was! I'll be honest, this video is not as good as my last Vlog - but beggers {and procrastinators} can't be choosers. 

Don't forget to link up! I can't wait to see what everyone has to say. 

Winners and a LinkUp

I'm back! Holy cow am I back and I have tons of stories and pictures to share - if you followed me on Instagram then you've seen most of them. The story of my hiatus will have to wait until later this week though due to a minor case of Jet-lag. 

So let's get this show on the road. 

The winners of the Mikarose Giveaway are: {drum roll please...}

#6 Dusty

#3 Yi-Chia

#16 Jessie

Congratulations ladies!

email me: justyp2005(at)yahoo(dot)com - with your shipping address and choice of necklace {first come first serve} to claim your prize!

NEXT UP on the agenda: Another Vlog Linkup! The last one went so well I am teaming up with the same five lovely ladies to tell you what's on my bucket list this Wednesday the 18th. I know it's short notice but please do play along! It should be interesting to say the least. 

Short Term Memory

Last but not least we have the lovely Jamie whom you may also know as Mrs. Independent. She used to be an east-coaster but left me high and dry to be a west-coaster. She's pretty amazing if I do say so myself - which I do. She's funny, sweet, and pretty - what more could you as for? So enjoy and I'll be back on Monday to announce the Mikarose winners! Happy Weekend :)

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What the hell happened last night?

I went to sleep over at Mrs.Independent and woke up here.

Anywhoozle, a big HELL-O to all of Justyn's lovely readers. I can't quite recall, but I think I hooked up with this bish through Dusty over at Girls Love Fried Pickles. Oh, you've heard of her? Good.

I suppose I have about five more sentences before you decide whether clicking the link is worth the effort. Allow me to impress you with five fun facts about myself.

1. I'm a really good shot...as in, with a gun. I hadn't touched the things until about a week ago, but you'll be hearing all about how I kicked the Huz's ass at the range later this week.

2. I'm a semi-nomad. I just moved to Seattle five days ago. Before that I was living in South Jersey for four years...but I'm actually from MA. Confused yet? Me too. I'll be posting about our month-long cross country adventure this week, so join me!

3. My sister named me after a drug peddling life suck (one of the few) where I grew up. Wanna hear that story? You can click here. Pretty white trash, right?

4. I have a BIG soft spot for animals. Hence why I have two of the most dysfunctional rescue dogs you'll ever meet. They looked sad at the shelter, okay?

Just another gorgeous photo of my loving family.

5. I can't think of a #5 so let's just say this: If you can't tell, I'm a "let it all hang out" kinda girl. Don't worry, I'll spare you with the nekked pics this week, but you really should come over the the blog and read about my misadventures - they'll make you feel better about your life.

Still reading? NICE. You can find me on le blog, Twitter, and Instagram.

Hit a girl up!

Distinct Cherry Popping

Do you know Makaila? If you don't than you should. She's another one of my favorites from clear across the country and she agreed to let me have her guest post virginity. I know right?! I was as surprised about it too, but hey - I've been told I'm irresistible... I'm pretty sure J. Simps sang a song about me once. Back to it though - enjoy M and all of her cherry popping glory. 

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via

THAT my darlings' is my guest post cherry popping all over Justyn's pretty petite brunette page!  YES.  You, You and You are reading, right this very minute, my very first Guest Post, Ever.  I was honored, flattered, and scared shiz less when Justyn asked, but.. here goes!

Hi!  

I'm Makaila and I spill my life over at  Distinctly M 

I spill about my personal fashion. 

and it all makes the cut.  

// the flops  // the firsts  // the triumphs!

I spilled about the time my son told me he "Got Puberty"  

{YES.  It was mortifying.  Seriously.  Read it.

 If you have a child, it WILL happen to you too}

I take my camera everywhere I go and regularly fill Distinctly M

with the photos of all the places I go and things I see... 

like last months Foster the People show!

I hardly ever, Ever post a recipe cause I SUCK in the kitchen.  

But I'm working on that.  

Here's one recipe I made that is scrumptious:  

Mexican Shrimp Appetizer.  

YUMMMM!

And one time I spilled all about the day he proposed.  

{!!!!!!}  yes.  I'm recently engaged and totally loving being the "fiance".  

Love it.  Don't you just love that word??!  "Fiance".  

I love it.  

and *shame on me*, I also spill about the times I snoop  

hey!  If you had an 11 year old with a girlfriend named Mimi, 

you might too! 

I'd love it if you came over and said hi! Part of the deliciousness that comes along with documenting my life out here in the blog'o'shere, is all the incredible women I have had the opportunity to get to know, like Justyn, and hopefully next, You!  thanks for having me Justyn + all you petite reader heads.  I'm off to go hide under a bed and lick off all that cherry juice!  ;)

-m-

Vampira's

No hump day would be complete without the awesome ramblings of my sissy - you know her as Dusty. She's a hot tamale - or  hot snot - or the cat's meow - or some other odd saying that only Dusty would come up with, and she's here to entertain you. I gave her the most random topics to choose from because I knew she could pull something creative from her fluffy. So without further ado, my dear sissy, who is not related to me in any way:

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Vampira's

So when my sissy asked me to guest post for her I said the obvious, of course. But then she gave me subjects and I realized she had too much wine. She first mentioned politics. And we both agreed we want to keep our followers. Then she said Vampires. Vampires! Huh? So I took it as a challenge. First, I am Dusty and I blog over at Girls Love Fried Pickles and here is my take on Vampira's. 

To tell you the truth, I am not a vampire fan. Now before you throw stones and cast a 1000 voo doo spells. I just don't like them because they are scary. The last vampire movie I saw was the one with Tom Cruise. No wonder Katie is divorcing him she must have caught a rerun. Here's my dealio. They kind of need a makeover. Like someone from TLC needs to come in and say, "hey, this is what not to look like". 

First, all that white pale look? What's up with that? Hello, goth look is out. Spray tan baby. Seriously, I am sure someone in evil land can hook you up with some homemade tan sauce from some crazy ass berries.

Second, the teeth. Why would you want your teeth to look like pointed pencils? I guess if you need a can opener in a pinch, you can just open up. My solution. Find a dentist that can fix your grill. Lil' Wayne did it. 

Third, the red lips and hollow cheeks. I mean pick up any smut magazine and you can see that a flush of color and coral lips are in. And change the color of your powder. L'Oreal has color match and I don't think bright white is on the color wheel.

Why do you have to be a bat or wolf at night, person by day? Pick one damn it. All this changing back and forth kills a wardrobe every time you rip yourself out of your clothing fighting each other. Make love not war. Humans and animals can be friends. Proven fact.

Lastly, move somewhere sunny. Why do you insist on living in some drab places? Haven't you heard of Hawaii, Texas, or California for god sakes. You could become a star if you just  played by the rules and not be freaks. Listen to what I am telling you. You could impregnate mortals with this crap if you just listen to my style tips. 

Oh, well, damned if you do and damned if you don't. I guess I will just stick to being southern. We look ugly and someone says "bless your heart". 

Love you Justyn, for sharing your followers with me. You all can come visit me anytime. I promise only styling tips on Wednesdays.

Love,

Dusty

Girls Love Fried Pickles Blog

Blackberry Lemonade

Hold on to your taste-buds people, and try not to lick your screen. Meet my fabulous friend Shannon - she's another one of my favorites. She encourages me to have better oxygen in my home by having multiple plants and tells me which books I should be reading. You'll love her too - especially after this delicious post.

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Hi friends! I'm Shannon and I blog over at Bungalow960 and Bungalow Books.

My dearest Justyn assigned me the topic of citrus for my guest post. I like citrus. So that works out just lovely.

Since it's summa summa summa time (Fresh Prince reference, anyone?), what is better than some ice cold lemonade on these hot days?

This is one of my favorite recipes.

Blackberry Lemonade

originally found here

Ingredients:

- 6 cups water, divided

- 1 cup sugar

- 4 lemons

- 2 cups (1 pint) fresh blackberries (sometimes I use raspberries)

Directions:

In a large saucepan, bring 2 cups of water to a boil with the sugar. Once completely dissolved, remove from the heat and allow to cool.

Juice the lemons; this will yield about 1 cup of freshly squeezed juice. In a blender, combine lemon juice and berries and blend until pureed. Strain mixture and discard seeds

In a pitcher, stir together sugar water, blackberry puree, and add 4 additional cups water. Refrigerate until cool or add ice cubes to individual glasses to drink sooner. Serve with a wedge of lemon and a few floating berries.

Also delicious with a splash of vodka. Just sayin'.

You can serve this lemonade up in your prettiest pitcher and find your inner housewife hiding in you as you serve it. Just like the movies where the ladies have lovely southern drawls and wear immaculate aprons and never, ever sweat. I can usually be found making this in my gym shorts from high school and some random color of tank top with no shoes on. Because that's just how I roll. Either way, this lemonade is DELISH. Enjoy!

Shannon
Bungalow960 & Bungalow Books

Chap Stick and Tampons

You guys are in for a real treat!

First up we have Jestina from Two Smuppies. If you don't know Jes {if that's even possible} she is one of the funniest people I  "know". I love her, in a total nonsexual but deeply committed way. I'm pretty sure after you read this you will love her too - and then you will go follow her because that's what we do in the blogosphere. 

So onward and upward people - read, love, follow.

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Lovely Justyn readers... it is I, Jes, from Two Smuppies.

There, I blog about absolutely nothing and everything all at the same time. But this is not really about me. Not really, I say. But kind of. You'll see.

When Justyn asked if I wanted to guest post, I, of course, said yes. I just love this Justyn. Just like you do. And when she offered to pick a topic for me... I, of course, said double yes. You see, I wanted to see what she was going to come up with.

And behold, this is the email that showed up in my inbox:

"Smuppers:
I've decided to let you choose your topic/story line.Please select from one of the following:(choose wisely!)


1. There's been a zombie apocalypse, what do you do now?
OR
2. You're stuck on a desert island for the rest of the life (sharks can be there with you)- what are the five things you would have to have to survive. Only five - you better pack chap stick and tampons which puts you down to three. ;)
OR
3. Brad Pitt, Clive Owen, and Justin Bieber - you have to kill one, fuck one and marry one, GO! (step brothers reference)


xoxoxoxoxWISHINGIWASDRINKINGxoxoxox


Hope the word fuck didn't offend you - and if it did than I'm double sorry for saying it again.
And if none of those works for you then the first random word is... penguin...
...second random word is daiquiri."


So, that's that.
Instead of picking just one... I think I'm going to go for all three.

1. A zombie apocalypse? What do I do? I would do what I can to get to Kelsey's house because her and her bestie Megan have been prepared for the zombie apocalypse since I don't even know how long. She'll know what it takes to take care of me. But because she's in Georgia, I'd probably go flying into Chris' arms. He watches that Doomsday Preppers shit almost religiously.

2. Five things I would have to have to survive? Well, since you make a good point with chapstick and tampons, I really am only down to three. My three would have to be... my iphone so that I can call a rescue service to come rescue me and so that I can get bread and other baked goods delivered to my island. I'd have my iPad so that I can play Bejeweled and have Fruit Ninja battles with Shannon while I wait for the food/rescue service to come. And then I'd have my Macbook so that I can book a ticket for Chris to come visit me on the island. Those answers are acceptable, right? They better be.

3. Ooooooh.
Clive Owen? I'd f word him.
Brad Pitt? I'd marry him so that I could f word him.
Bieber? Consider him deads. And I didn't even flinch.

Hope you are enjoying your vacation and thanks for having me!
xoxoSMALLBOOBSxoxo

Adios Muchachos

After talking about how bad I felt for NOT POSTING.... I'm going on hiatus. Excuse me while I digress for a second - I 100% abuse the word hiatus. I just like typing it and saying it in my head, hiatus, hiatus, hiatus. 

I'm taking the next week off. We're heading  to Colorado for my cousin's wedding - yes it is finally here. I am totally {like totally} excited to get away, yet again just the hubs and me... and my whole fan damily. Speaking of fan damily - I'm not leaving you guys, the readers that I care about oh. so. much. high and dry. Oh no. Members of my blamily are going to fill in for me while I'm away. It's only for a week - but for one whole week there will be a post every. single. day. 

Thanks to these ladies {in no particular order}

Jes fromTwo Smuppies

Dusty from Girls Love Fried Pickles

Shannon from Bungalow960 

(and her newer blog Bungalow Books)

Makaila from Distinctly M

 Jamie from Mrs. Independent

I'm extremely grateful that these ladies were willing to fill in for me while I'm off enjoying a rocky mountain high with my hubby. Although I have to say - I'm even more excited for you, the reader. Yes you. If you're not familiar with these ladies go check them out. And then come back and see what they have to say here. 

Next week. 

OH YEAH -One more thing before I go...

Don't forget to enter my Mikarose giveaway...  I'm not reminding you again. 

...Currently

Currently - I feel like a bad blogger. I have intense non-post guilt. Sometimes, lately, life has been getting in the way of blogging. I don't consider this a bad thing. I mean it's life, it happens, right? I'm not complaining except for this nagging feeling voice in the back of my mind saying "Dude, you didn't post AGAIN today." and then I have another glass of wine and go to sleep.   To try and redeem myself I'm linking up with Harvesting Kale today.

Inspired by…

Currently I am inspired by Summer and HGTV. Who isn't? I really want to build a patio. Yes. Me. Build. It sounds weird but I think I can do it {maybe?}. I have also considered...I might need a man to help me.

Devouring…

It's not what I'm devouring, but what I'm not devouring. I gave up red meat. {GASP} I'm only on day four and so far I have cheated once...Does that mean I have to start all over? 

Thankful for…

In honor of Independence Day, I am thankful for FREEDOM. 

No explanation needed right?

Watching…

The one thing about summer that gets me down is all of MY SHOWS {yeah, they're mine} are on hiatus. So I had to find a new show. A couple of weeks ago we had a free showtime weekend and I found Dexter - which is not on Netflix. However, Weeds is. And I am now hooked. I have watched almost six seasons in two weeks. Now you know the real reason I haven't been posting... 

Starting…

To get anxious. I have an appointment tomorrow with a new doctor for a second opinion.  One day, I will tell you all about this painful disease that I live with... I put it on the back burner and move on with life, but lately it's getting to the point where I can't do that anymore. And in an attempt to fix this incurable disease, I am going to get a second opinion. And I'm totally scared. Anxious... freaked out. 

I hope everyone had an awesome holiday yesterday! 

I know I did. 

Don't forget to enter the Mikarose giveaway! 
Or don't - right now you have a 1 in 4 chance of winning. 
I'd say the odds are pretty good.

Happy Thursday!

...Mikarose Giveaway

THIS GIVEAWAY IS NOW CLOSED.


In honor of July and the fact that I love you all, I have decided to have a giveaway! It's about time, I know it's been months since my last giveaway, but don't be greedy ya'll. I won a $50 gift certificate to Mikarose from I think the Daybook - actually I'm not really sure how I won it - but I did. And instead of buying myself a dress that hopefully would not fit in another month I bought three beautiful necklaces that I am giving away to three lucky winners.

The Rules are as follows:

1. Must be follower of this blog via Google {thoughts by a...petite brunette}{duh}

2. Leave a comment telling me which necklace you would like to win.

That's it!

 Now for extra entries you can {leave an extra comment for each}:

1. Tweet @lordjustyn that you entered this giveaway.

2. Follow via BlogLovin.

3. Find me on Bloggers.com and friend me! {I'm lonely}

Now that's really it.

This giveaway is open to US Residents only {sorry Charlie!} and ends July 16th {When I get back from Colorado} at somepoint...

Happy Monday and Good Luck!